It’s been quite awhile since I last posted a #MotivateMe Monday post, and for that I apologise. I’ve been struggling big time with self confidence, motivation and weight gain since Ironman Muskoka 70.3 in 2015. My friend Allison has summed up how I’ve been feeling perfectly in her post Thursday Thoughts: Weight Gained and Confidence Lost. It was nice to read her post last week as it helped me to realise I’m not completely alone in having these thoughts. Her post has also helped me to get the courage to share my own thoughts.
Although I try not to entirely use aesthetics as my motivation for being active, I would be lying to you if I said it never crosses my mind. It actually crosses my mind far too often, especially now that my clothes barely fit, I huff and puff trying to keep up with my running buddies, and can throw my back out doing something simple like picking up a piece of paper. Everywhere I turn (instagram I’m looking at you) the media is telling me that I should strive to be a certain size and shape, otherwise people won’t like me, and I find it hard to feel confident when I don’t look the way the media tells me that I ought to look.
This year I’ve been stuck in this endless rut where I don’t feel confident about myself, try to go on a run to feel better, but can’t run the paces or distances that I used to run, and then end up feeling WORSE about myself afterwards. It’s like a crazy black hole of self-pity.
Then a few weeks ago something changed. I put a deposit on a trip to Punta Cana for April 2018. I’m going with my friend Amanda to our friend Tracy’s wedding. I’m giddy with excitement! I have never been to an all-inclusive resort, and my husband has no desire to go to one ever, so this is like my one chance to go!
Booking this trip has finally kicked my motivation into gear – I put together some goals for this month:
- attend two boot camp classes/week
- run 4 times/week
- log my meals with MyFitnessPal.
With MyFitnessPal I’m and making some interesting discoveries about my eating habits. (Like I don’t overeat as much as I think I do, and thus I shouldn’t cave and eat massive sums of chips to drown my self-pity in being a bad eater). With running I’ve given myself permission to run walk/run intervals and to run slower (at a lower heart rate).
And guess what?!?
I feel so much better about myself!
I feel WAY more confident and I’m starting to see some PERFORMANCE improvements, yay! My running has definitely become more enjoyable and so far I’ve already run 53k this month!
I stressed the performance part because it’s far too early to see aesthetic improvements. And to be honest, now that I see performance improvements the aesthetics don’t seem to matter to me near as much. Yes, I still think about how I want to look in a dress at Tracy’s wedding, but it’s not ALL I think about anymore. Now my brain has drifted off into researching training methods like heart rate training to improve my 10k time. (I may have spent a whole evening researching training plans and trying to figure out how to create my own custom plan). My focus has changed and I feel so much more confident. (I don’t want to mislead you though – I still occasionally get down on myself when I review my run stats after a run).
I’m happy to be back, and I hope that this new found confidence in myself continues. I look forward to sharing my training with you on a more regular basis, especially now that I actually have some training to share 🙂
Have a great week!
Have you ever lost your confidence? What helped you to get it back?
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